Going to Bed With Caroline Vreeland: New Year, Newer Me

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Going to Bed with Caroline Vreeland is a column on CR about everything between the bedsheets and more. Have a question? Comment? Flirty note? Email CV at online[at]crfashionbook.com.

It’s that time again.

As I asked some friends what they were planning to resolve for 2019, I got the same several replies: “I’m going to stop drinking,” or “I’m going to lose 10 lbs.” While admirable, these declarations always seem a bit soaked in judgment and self-loathing, do they not? We are so self conscious of how people judge us and see us, especially in this face-tuned digital age. But the truth is, we’re not that bad. We’re going to be ok.

Consider nature herself as we remember this excerpt from an essay by Alan Watts: “The way the animals live, everybody envies them, because look, a cat, when it walks—did you ever see a cat making an aesthetic mistake? Did you ever see a badly formed cloud? Were the stars ever mis-arranged? When you watch the foam breaking on the seashore, did it ever make a bad pattern? Never. And yet we think in what we do, we make mistakes. And we’re worried about that. So there came this point in human evolution when we lost our innocence.”

From Watts’ words, I understand that we’ve abandoned the idea of trusting our instincts, which is actually the rule in all other aspects of nature. We’ve allowed worry and planning to take over. But what if we could start this near year off not by forcing ourselves to make rigorous plans, but by realizing that we are innately divine? Maybe then you could allow yourself to follow your joy as it takes you on its way.

Last year, my resolution was to learn how to say no more. My new goal for 2019 is much more simple. I’m vowing to not look back on this crazy year with disdain and contempt. For 2019, I want to move forward into this tidal wave of unknown endeavors and remind myself to trust myself. Let nature have its way with me, if you will. The idea of such a reckless abandon in trusting ones self, even with the fuckups and hiccups, feels oddly comforting.

Maybe if we can try to be our authentic selves we can improve ourselves naturally. It’s not how you present yourself to others, it’s how you nurture your own self love from within. Starting a new year is about realizing that another one has passed, not about berating yourself over how you look. I’m sure you’ve learned a lot about yourself in the past year and are better off for it. Focus on that.

In 2018, I myself took a huge risk: I moved to a far away place away from my friends and family and it was a super rocky road. But I’m deciding now to focus on how that propelled me forward. How that taught me a lot of valuable lessons instead of the fact that it was painful. It’s not going to be perfection that makes me better; I’m doing the work inside.

At the top of next year, I’m content with me.

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